Mom Guilt: When You Do the Best You Can—and Still Feel Like It Wasn’t Enough

Written by Skyler

Mom guilt has a way of sneaking in quietly… and then hitting you like a wave when you least expect it.

A few days ago, my middle daughter started complaining that her belly hurt.

No fever.

No vomiting.

No diarrhea.

She was eating, playing, laughing, completely herself, just saying that her stomach hurt.

This is also the same child who has immune issues and lung issues, so I’m always watching her closely. But because there were literally no other symptoms, we decided to monitor it for a few days. We assumed it could be constipation (because, let’s be honest, kids and poop are a whole thing), so we gave her some Miralax and figured we’d keep an eye on it.

And honestly? That felt reasonable.

But last night, the pain clearly worsened. She wasn’t hysterically crying, but you could see it on her face. The discomfort, the way her body was tense, the quiet cues that moms learn to recognize. It was late. Everything was closed. So I made the decision to take her to the ER.

After a shorter-than-expected visit, we got the answer:

She had a UTI, the doctor said it has almost reached her kidneys because of how bad it was.

And just like that, the mom guilt came flooding in.

I felt awful.

Why didn’t I take her sooner?

Why did I assume it was “nothing serious”?

Why didn’t I know?

I replayed every moment in my head. Every time she mentioned her belly. Every choice I made. And I judged myself harshly, like moms so often do.

But here’s the truth I keep reminding myself of (and maybe you need to hear it too):

Who would have thought that belly pain - with no fever, no urinary symptoms, no vomiting, no red flags, would be a UTI?

We are not doctors.

We are moms doing the best we can with the information we have in the moment.

We monitor. We assess. We weigh symptoms. We try not to panic, but also not to dismiss. And sometimes, illnesses don’t follow the textbook. Sometimes they show up quietly, disguised as something ordinary.

Taking her to the ER when I knew something had shifted, that was me listening to my gut.

That was me being her mom. And she got the care she needed.

Mom guilt loves to tell us we failed when the reality is we showed up, we cared, and we acted when it mattered.

So if you’re reading this while carrying guilt over a decision you made for your child—please know this:

You are not negligent.

You are not careless.

You are not a bad mom.

You are human.

You are learning.

You are doing your best.

And sometimes, the best thing we can do is give ourselves the same grace we give everyone else.

-- The Vital Pair