Early Bedtimes vs. Go-With-the-Flow Nights: What Actually Works for Families

As moms, we all hear the same advice on repeat: “Put your kids down early.” “Kids need a strict routine.” “Bedtime should be the same every single night.”

And honestly? Sometimes that works beautifully… and sometimes it absolutely doesn’t. The truth is, every family runs differently (I know we do), every child responds differently, and every season of motherhood looks different. There is no one-size-fits-all bedtime script.

In our home, we’ve seen both sides. The nights when having a set structure saves everyone’s sanity, and the nights when flexibility is the only thing keeping the whole ship from sinking.

The five year old in our house, NEEDS a consistent bed time. Without it, the adults have true hell to pay. The 2 year old in our house co-sleeps so she goes to bed most of the time when we go to bed, or just a couple hours earlier (and we're night owls); and the oldests of the children go to bed before 10 pm on weeknights. And on weekends... well that's whenever they crash - be it 11 pm or 2 am.

Why Early Bedtimes Work for Some Families

There are real benefits to an early, consistent bedtime routine. Families who swear by it aren’t wrong, it just happens to be what fits their world. Early bedtimes can help with:

1. Predictability

Kids often thrive when they know what’s coming next. A consistent routine can make evenings calmer and transitions smoother.

2. More Adult Time

Let’s be honest — sometimes the only quiet moment of the day is after bedtime. A set schedule can give parents space to breathe, reset, or get things done.

3. Better Mood + Better Sleep

For some kids, especially highly structured or sensitive ones, earlier bedtime equals better behavior the next day. Their little bodies just do better with routine.

But here’s the catch: this works only if it actually works for your child and your household.

Why Some Families Skip the Strict Schedule

Then there are families who don’t do the 7pm bedtime — and they’re not wrong either. Sometimes a looser evening routine is the healthier, happier choice.

1. Work Schedules Are Real Life

Not all families are home by dinner. Some parents work late, have irregular shifts, or juggle multiple kids with different needs.

2. Some Kids Genuinely Don’t Sleep Early

You can aim for a 7:30 bedtime all day long, but if your child doesn’t fall asleep until 9:30 no matter what… that becomes your reality.

3. Flexibility Reduces Stress

For some families, forcing a schedule causes more chaos than it prevents. Flexibility allows evenings to feel calmer, not rushed.

4. Life Happens

Sports, dance, homework, errands, cousins visiting, late dinners, overtired meltdowns, no one’s life runs on a perfect clock.

And honestly? What works in one season might not work in the next.

The Real Truth: You’re Not Wrong Either Way

The whole “strict bedtime vs. flexible bedtime” debate only exists because people assume there’s a right answer. But the real parenting hack is this:

Whatever helps your family function, feel connected, and get the rest they need… that’s what’s right!

Some nights you might live by the routine. Some nights you may toss it out the window. That doesn’t make you inconsistent - that makes you adaptable.

What We’ve Learned in Our Household

Living together as two moms, we’ve experimented with both approaches, especially with multiple kids in the mix. Here’s what we've learned:

• A routine helps on the high-energy days when everyone needs structure.

• Flexibility helps when the day has been long, emotional, or unpredictable.

• Listening to your kids’ cues matters more than watching the clock.

• Teaching them to wind down and get restful sleep, is more important than what time the lights go out.

• A “good night” is different every night - and that’s okay.

  
  

We’re big believers in doing what fits your family rhythm, not someone else’s expectations.

At the end of the day, your evenings don’t need to look like anyone else’s. If an early bedtime gives you a peaceful house, amazing. If a later, flexible routine keeps everyone happier, that’s just as valid.

Motherhood isn’t about perfect routines - it’s about learning your kids, learning yourself, and building a home that works for you.

And whatever that looks like… you’re doing just fine!

Sprinkling sleepy dust on all the littles tonight - yours and ours - and hoping you get a good night's sleep!

The Vital Pair